


Instructional Johnlock: Dialogue

by chucksauce



Series: Instructional Johnlock [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Crack, Gen, M/M, this is what happens when I don't sleep, writing how-to
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-13
Updated: 2013-01-13
Packaged: 2017-11-25 09:07:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/637298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chucksauce/pseuds/chucksauce
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got bored one day and decided to write an instructional "how to write dialogue," sort of thing, using Johnlock (my favorite example). This is entirely silly. Originally posted on my tumblr.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instructional Johnlock: Dialogue

I was goofing around on tumblr one night when I ran across a post where the OP was ranting about all the different words one could use instead of the word, "said," in dialogue. The general idea was that only a newbie would just keep using that word over and over again, when there were so many excellent synonyms one could use instead. It spawned a mini-ramble of mine, and when I reblogged the post with my mini-ramble, it got more scrambled than when I make eggs while drinking tequila: messy and completely unrecognizable. 

But it’s something I feel strongly about, and is a lesson I’m currently using a lot in my own writing. So I’m going to make this my very own post. 

I wish I could remember what I was reading, but it was about writing-- especially fiction. And in the dialogue section, it said something to the effect that the tags around dialogue were exactly what would betray the difference between an inexperienced writer and a more practiced hand:

 

> _“I like jam,” John laughed. “What about you?”_  

> _“I hate Anderson’s stupidity,” Sherlock grimaced._  

> _“I expected tennants that didn’t leave body parts in the freezer,” sighed Mrs. Hudson._

 

In the above sentences, you could assume the writer has replaced “said” with “laughed,” “grimaced,” and “sighed.” But take a moment and actually attempt to laugh a statement. Or grimace it. Or sigh it. No really. Go ahead and try it. 

Doesn’t work, does it? We don’t actually do that. 

It’s just not done. And similarly, if you just start replacing “said” with synonyms at every turn, you’re essentially telling the reader that you wrote your dialogue and then during edits you sat down with a thesaurus and just played a big game of find & replace. 

If you want to strengthen your dialogue writing, just replacing the word “said” isn’t going to cut it. Here are some ideas:

 

  1. **Use the first exchange between each of the participants in the conversation and then drop the tags, if it’s fairly obvious who’s saying what (by the rhythm/pattern or by context):**



> _“I like jam,” John said. “What about you?”_  
> 
> _“Jam is fine,” Sherlock said. “But I rarely feel hungry enough to bother with it. Merely a vessel, after all.”_  
> 
> _"Why do you say that, anyway?”_
> 
>   _“Well, my body is merely the vehicle for my cripplingly brilliant mind.”_  
> 
> _“So cheeky,” Mrs Hudson said, tutting._  
> 
> _“Makes you a crippling twat, more like,” John said._  
> 
> _“It must be nice to be so simple,” Sherlock said, not even bothering to take his eyes from the paper._
> 
>   

Already in this example (weak as it may be) we’ve got some different things going on here: when S & J are the only ones talking, we’ve already established that A/B pattern, so we can drop the dialogue tags. Then, we’ve got Mrs. H interrupting, and so we drop our tags back in to designate the new pattern. ALSO, we’re playing with action and body language. Mrs. H tuts, but she didn’t tut her words. Sherlock replies, but we can imply from his nonchalant newspaper reading that he probably wasn’t stung too deeply by John’s jab. Here’s another example of a rapid-fire dialogue where you can drop the tags entirely (so long as you know the pattern of speakers):

> _“Did you take my red pants?” John said, frowning._
> 
> _“I needed them,” Sherlock said, not looking up from the microscope._
> 
> _“Needed them for what?"_
> 
> _“There was an accident.”_
> 
> _“What kind of accident?”_
> 
> _“The kind where acid ruined my favorite trousers as well as those lovely honeybee pants you got me Christmas last.”_
> 
> _“Oh no! You didn’t get a chemical burn, did you?”_
> 
> _“Can you treat it?”_
> 
> _“I’m a doctor, after all.”_
> 
> _“Excellent. I’ll be done with these slides momentarily.”_

See? You didn’t lose track of who said what, and after the first two lines, there were absolutely NO “saids.” We know exactly who said what. It’s important to note, though, that this type of dialoguing is best for short lines. If each character were speaking a paragraph to each other, it wouldn’t work so well. 

 

> **2.) So about that body language. If you play with your speakers’ body language, you don’t really even have to worry so much about the “said” tags. Use the body language to designate who’s speaking when you’ve got a character that’s doing a good bit of plot-dump or character development. OH MAN the body language can tell so much more of your story! You can even cut down on some of the more redundant lines, when you have the body language that says those things for you. Check it out:**

 

> _John stalked into the sitting room with little more than a towel around his waist and a frown on his face. “Did you take my red pants?”_  
> 
> _“I needed them,” Sherlock said, not looking up from the microscope. He froze, though, and John could see that his eyes were fixed in place, no longer scanning the view in his lenses._  
> 
> _John’s eyebrows raised. ~~“Needed them for what?”~~ _ <\--this line you might even be able to cut, considering we could imply that their relationship or Sherlock’s mental faculties are such that they don’t even have to always say what they want to ask, but the other understands it.
> 
>   _“There was an accident.” Sherlock looked up from the microscope now, and blinked a few times to adjust to the difference of focus. His eyebrow twitched upward imperceptibly in surprise to see John in only a towel._  
> 
> _John fought the urge to smirk, to retain his frown of consternation. “What kind of accident?”_  
> 
> _Sherlock studied his face, saw the twitch in the jaw that betrayed John’s amusement. “The kind where acid ruined my favorite trousers as well as those lovely honeybee pants you got me Christmas last,” he answered drily._
> 
>   _It was John’s turn to express surprise, though more along the lines of dismay. He grimaced sympathetically. “Oh no! You didn’t get a chemical burn, did you?” He crossed the room in a few strides, and rested his hand on Sherlock’s shoulder._  
> 
> _Sherlock grinned and drew up his best simpering whimper, far more dramatically than he ever would on a case. His eyes went wide and his voice quavered in a way that made John almost giggle. “Can you treat it?”_  
> 
> _John snorted, and placed his hands on his hips, and affected a cheesy soap-opera smile. “I’m a doctor, after all.”_  
> 
> _Sherlock went red in the ears, and his face snapped back down to the lenses of his microscope. “Excellent. I’ll be done with these slides momentarily,” he said, though there was a hitch in his voice that John knew no one else would notice._  
> 
> _John took this chance to dash off to the bedroom._

  

Soooo yeah. See what I did there? With all that body language? COMPLETELY CHANGED THE CONTEXT OF THAT DIALOGUE. HO MAN. And forgiving the utter crack of that particular characterization, you see how much that exchange changed? We went from generic convo about Sherlock invading John’s privacy after botching an experiment to the prelude of possibly some thoroughly sexy times. I still used “said” twice, and John even snuck a grimace in there (but notice he didn’t grimace his words…). BUT! We kept track of who said what with body language and action rather than tags (“said,” “asked,” etc.)… 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone recognizes where the bit about "laughing/sighing/grimacing a word" comes from, please let me know-- like I said, this was inspired by something I read on writing, and I would like very much to give credit where it's due. If I run across it again I will certainly make that source known.
> 
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